Gay & Lesbian Services of Western New York

Bisexual Chic?

A 16 year old female asks, “My boyfriend wants me to make out (kiss) and do other things with a girl. Is this OK? What should I do?”

I never thought that I would ever be writing about same-sex or bisexual behavior as a trend. So many people in the GLBT community have died or otherwise suffered such great consequences fighting just for simple human rights that to have youth engaging in behavior for the thrill or the fun of it, or on a dare seems, well, I can’t quite find the word. To know women who have struggled for equality of the sexes for the last 40 years and to hear, “my boyfriend made me” or “my boyfriend said he would break up with me” is, well, again I find words difficult. To make what many have worked to be viewed as NOT A CHOICE be turned on and off as if it were is, well, hard to take. But enough of the generational and GLBT activist viewpoint.

From another point of view, youth culture relaxing to allow for same sex experimentation and flexibility of roles could, in the long run, be seen as a positive. It may allow truly questioning youth an “acceptable” way to explore their feelings under the cover of a fad. After all, the questioning and experimenting thing is part and parcel of growing up. What this does seem to be is a fad and it gets visible energy from say, Madonna and Britney Spears very public kiss on the MTV Music Awards, or the singing duet, Tatu. It certainly gets attention and if the parents know it can make them very nervous. Because this fad is reserved strictly for females and in many ways is promoted by guys, it is still a woman pleasing a man in front of a predominantly heterosexual audience and so it has sexist undertones. For some girls sexual experimentation with other girls may seem less risky then relationships with boys. For others their romantic expression seems to be based more on attraction to a particular person rather then identifying with any particular group and sexual minority. The culture has been slowly changing to allow for less clarity, more blurring between the sexes (androgyny) especially during teen years. Perhaps fake bisexuality is just another from of breaking rigid boundaries…the jury is out as yet on the issue.

As for your question, I don’t ever think that someone who says they love you should ask you to do something you are uncomfortable with. Further, using the relationship as a tool (“I will leave you if you don’t”.) to get you to behave in a certain way is manipulative and controlling. So if you are uncomfortable either by his asking or by the requested behavior then don’t do it. If he leaves as a result you will hurt temporarily but you will be rid of a guy who does not have your best interest at heart.

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